We all fuck up sometimes.....it looks like i fuck up more then others do....

Well let's see where to begin....

my hair is blue, i have a piercing and I'm seriously thinking about ending my high school year right now and taking a free year. So let's start from the begging........I dyed my hair blue for the first time 30.10.11 and the next day i re-bleached it to add some pink and yellow. It was pretty awesome. Now i have blue hair with slight light-green places because my hair isn't evenly bleached :(. My dad was Ok but my mom was rather shocked....lol. So on 20.11.11. i did my first real piercing (not ears) on to my lover lip, and because of that i almost blacked-out  ~.~ I'm happy that it's OK now and i can soon make the other one to so i can have my snake bites, not just a single piercing. Same night i did mine Ness did her other pierc. so now she has snake bites. She is luckier than me and doesn't have to hide them from her parents -.- I wish my parents would approve them as easily. Oh and if it wasn't clear we did our pierc. our selves. Ness's mom gave us some medicine to numb our lips before doing the piercings. At first we hoped that we didn't have to use the syringe, but after some testing we injected it to our lips. It numbed the skin in a second. Next day, after school i bought a new barbel for the piercing to replace the playboy bunny one Ness gave me -.-



And now before i move on to more serious themes let me talk about our little dysfunctional family :D

Almost 2 weeks ago Ness and Niji started hosting two guys from Tallinn. So almost every time i go there, we star a small/huge party that usually lasts until 3 or 4 a.m...almost every time we have school on next day :D The y guys are pretty fun and friendly but they have some serious raging' problems xD Last week when i re-dyed my hair we decided to play Baila *themostawesomedrinkinggameever* but we didn't have the cards...so while Niji was doing my hair, me and one of the boys made the cards :D We played two rounds and in the end of that night one of us was puking her guts out....*notme* So our dysfunctional family is Ness, Niji, two guys from Tallinn and me, and when i say dysfunctional then i really mean it :|

The serious part of this post is following right now...

I've been absent for some time from school land my parents don't like it. I can see why they don't and I'm not saying anything. Last week my mom told me about idea given to her by one of her fellow teachers. She told me that i could try applying to some exchange student program and leave for a year so when i come back i can start new. I really like that idea but some times i think that maybe i should just drop out and move to our old house that stands empty in the middle of a forest. My dad wouldn't have to pay the rent of my apartment in Tartu and i could watch the old house and start renovating it. The only bad thing about that plan is my pride, actually more my parents pride. I don't want them to be ashamed of me in front of their friends or relatives. I want what every child wants, i want to make them proud and happy, so they can talk good things about me and not lies. I know that if i continue with high school right now it won't get better, not for me and neither for them. I would slip and get bad grades, my dad would worry and his heart would fail, but that's the thing I'm most afraid of. I'm so afraid of loosing him, he doesn't know how much he means for me and i just can't imagine my life without him. He is maybe even the only man i ever love(i love him as a father). I know that i should just start going to school normally and get good grades but that is just not who i am. I can't change that and sadly my parents doesn't want to understand that. They think I'm just lazy and shit but actually there is much more that they could ever know.

And that takes me to where am i now, sitting on bed and trying to think what to do with my life. I have to make the decision that will probably affect not only my life but theirs also. Why can't just get a work as someone i want to be and be done with this school crap...the idea sounds almost easy ~.~

Until I'm alive. Yours sincerely: InsincereBlack

Uhhh...i`m still alive :D

I haven`t been posting for a.........yeah lets say, for too long time. I was busy with my summer job and then i went to Ireland, what was totally awesome. When i came back i had my birthday and then the SCHOOL started. It`s my first year in high school and live in a different city to. I have my own apartment and huge room for the first time in my life :D I go to Tartu Tamme Gymnasium and I'm in the nature class. At first i was in humanitarian class(10a) but i didn't like people back there so much and at one of our schooling events i met the people from nature class(10b) and i fell in love with them. They are such an awesome people and they know how to have fun.

 Before that on the second school week i had a day off. I used it to visit my old school and people from my old class who are attending high school in Valga. My father and few of my friends in Tartu were the only ones who knew about my trip, for the others it was a surprise. My mom who teaches in my old school was really surprised and happy to see me. When i went to the high school building to greet my other friends and wish happy birthday to Kami, they were in shock also....maybe it wasn't such a good idea to wear my violet lenses that day :D Anyways, Kami and the others were really happy to see me and i was happy to see them. When school day ended for them me, Kami and Anneli went to find our old teachers and just talk for a minute. We stopped at my moms class's extra room after that and talked for two hours. That day was truly worth every moment of it. Thinking about having another of these days. :)

On 24. and 25. September there was another AniMatsuri, yayyy:D I attended the runway show with my best friend, we were two of the gyaru girls in the show. The show took  place in one of the shopping centers in Tartu. It was pretty scary because all strangers were looking at us and we had to walk on class + i was wearing 6 inch heels. But the AniMatsuri in general was super awesome and fun, we met some cool people and made some awesome friends. Waiting for the next year :D

On the last Friday *day before yesterday from the day I'm writing this* we had a little part at my place. Niji had the plan and the people, i had the place. There were people i have never seen before but we made friends fast. That night i slept on a carpet in my kitchen.........Next day after the party in my apartment, one of my best friends was having a birthday party at her place. First she told me that there's gonna be like 15 people but the max number of people was 20. Luckily only 6 people staid for the night + she(Ness) and her flatmate(Niji).

Me and two super awesome guys who i just met that very day slept on the carpet.*again for me* Before we went to "bed" we watched "Where the fuck is Santa", tried to fight the heat *the room was over heated* and just joked. In morning when the other people woke up i guess they were like WTF because boys were sleeping only in their boxers and i was sleeping in a T-shirt and tights *i had jeans before*. When we finally woke up we made it clear wtf happened and why we were half-naked. After i finally got home today i went to bed but sadly only for two hours because me and my old class(10a) were going to the theater to see a play at 7pm. I thought it was going to be a usual type play but no, it was fucking 3 and a half hours long play. I was like omfg when i found out how long i have to sit there. So when it finally ended it was so late that only one bus was driving around and i had to walk from another stop to my apartment witch is like 1km away from the stop. The length of the road wasn't the issue, the issue was that i was wearing heels, had much make-up on and i was walking alone on the dark streets. I'm really happy i didn't get rapped or something.....and the play sucked also.

Now typing all this i feel like the time has flown past me really fast. I'm sad about the time that i haven't managed to spend with my family because of the busyness of my new life and about the fact that I'm not a kid anymore. I have to be responsible now and manage my life as a grown up. Sometimes i seriously want my childhood back but then again i want to be even more independent and have i job and everything. It`s so hard to make the right choices when you are not sure what to you exactly want from your life, but that is why we learn and go trough the life-school. To make it all clear to us and make us succeed in our upcoming life.

I feel like i write something from my heart now..yayyyyy i feel smart.......*random*

I seriously want to thank Daniel Lucas Oxford for giving me the inspiration to start posting again.THANK YOU <3




But now goodbye, until i post again.Yours sincerely: InsincereBlack

Kitten pictures

OMG

Guess what..we have 5 little kittens now. they are so adorable and if anyone in estonia reads this and wants a kittey please don`t be afraid to ask.

This is the kittens mommy- Sonja

i just had to .......

.......add this video. it`s one of the best things happened to me this month :D i won`t tell about others*love*

i`m so f***ing sorry....

yeah it`s been really busy for me but that`s not an excuse for lousy blogging :{ gomene

i finally posted because of shoes...and they are wonderful..i love them :D
this post is mostly pics of my shoes but some other stuff to...enjoy :)

 All my black shoes

 New shoes that i got today :D

 Killer stilettos

 One of my favorites, bought them with 1$

 My friends wear these more than i do :D

 I don`t really like these but they are comfy.

xxxxxxx 

 Tree on my friends back ^^made by me

 You don`t wanna know what that means

At 5.17am sky looked like this. at 6.17am it was pouring rain and no sun... :(

So i guess that`s it for tonight...
PS! That drawing from my last post is still on my arm :D

Until then, with all my love, Yours sincerely: InsincereBlack

Love me for who i am...

 hello there!



i have very little to write about but still something, so here we go... yesterday was like any other day, boring and funny at the same time. third day to my being obsessed with Black Veil Brides new son Fallen Angels. i mean i just love this song it`s brilliant. so yeah finally home i rehearsed some piano (i guess about 2h) and called my bff; Chia to see how she's doing.
today was actually much cooler than yesterday. when my classes ended my dad took my out for lunch and then to the bus station. when i got home, i started to rehearse a bit more and then went to watch some TV. while  watching TV i started to draw on my arm starting with  my wrist. at first i just lined my veins but then i got some ideas and made a whole tattoo (with pen of course). as i finished my dad came home and i went to rollerblade for i while which turned into 45min. 30min of the time that i roller bladed i talked with my grandma on phone and `cause i was wearing headphones and hands-free some people watched me weird because they thought i was talking to myself.
oh and tomorrow is gonna be awesome `cause it`s "ride your motorcycle to work" day and my dad is taking me to school with his. i love his motorcycle. :D
sadly i can`t post anything new at the weekend `cause i`ll be at my grandmas house and she has no Internet :(
but i`ll make next post on Monday with my good friend Banana :D


uh and some pictures...

 My tattoo :D

  Some American style food, means lots of oil

.

 I can`t say anything about it because i didn`t take this pic :D

Thnx Kami

 This is one of my lovely kitties

Until then, with all my love, Yours sincerely: InsincereBlack

How can the sky be the limit, if there are footprints on the moon?

heyya guys...




I`m really sure that nobody would believe what happened to me last Saturday, 30.04.11. I guess it was about 12.30when my step-mom came to my room to ask if i wanted to go see a play with them. My first gueston was when? so she said that it`ll perform at one theater in Tartu and it`s a tragical comedy about three friends. `cause theater is a bit high-class thing i decided to dress-up. I wore some black skinny jeans and withe diamond shirt with some 5in5 "to die for" stilettos.
We left home 17.50 and the play began 19.00. The first act was just informative and funny. After little break...act two began. At first it was pretty OK, but in some time on of three friends who was also one of two brothers in play, started to strip and when he was full nude on stage asked his friend to burn his clothes(human pounding he said). Then he took his claustrophobic brother and locked him into small bathroom. When his poor brother got out of the bathroom and face-planted himself into couch, the nude brother sat on his ass(still nude) and started to jump on him and screamed  "who is the horse now, uhh, so how does it feel?" I`m really clad that they used Rammstein`s "Benzin" as background music `cause i love this song and it was only thing in that scene that didn't make me want do barf. So the third friend came back to the room and started yelling at the nude guy, by calling him Teflon...WTF...
So yeah i`m not going to write more about the play, which was actually really good.



After the play me and my step-sister suggested to go to McDonald's. I was shocked when my dad really did drove there. It was so weird to see our 40y/old parents who usually eat in high-class restaurants, order food from McDonald's. That nigh was really fun and memorable. Oh and the play was called "Panic" by some Finnish dude whose name i forgot.



In the end i have to sadly add that i didn't get to the Jaan Poskas High-School. -.-

But yeah life goes on.


Until then, with all my love, Yours sincerely: InsincereBlack

Spring pictures

    

    

Sight to the river

 

My darling

Two things that i love; fire and McCafe

...WTF?

Some more things i love.

My friend said that she looks like devil...LOL,

and yes my finger is in her mouth.

 

Found this awesome belt in Pärnu.

 

 No comments *srly i didn`t do it*

"the best day of my life" note the sarcasm

Yesterday, when i was waiting for the bus i got a phone call. It was from Tartu Art High-school and they said that i got in. :D i was really happy so i called my dad right after ending call with the school, i told him that i was in and only thing he said was...oh, everyone who tries that school get in, it`s one of the easiest schools in Tartu, but yeah you can`t go!...my face O.O... just a minute ago i was happy like a bunny with carrot and then my dad said something like this...my world shut down at that very moment.

after the little talk with my dad i informed my best friend who was really happy about me, thank you Yume!

but in the bus i had this crazy idea to call my mom to, the call was pretty much the same as with my dad but in the end i said to mom that...ok, i`m not going to try into the other school as well and stay home for year if no one wants me to go or even congrats about getting in..-.- the call to my mom ended with dears. my thoughts at the moment were...how can my own parents be so cruel, hell my dad even drove me to take the test at Art High-school. finally at home i made huge dinner with my special cheese sauce and Sicilian meat plus spaghetti and corn. after i did and ate all that i decided it was time for cleaning up the bathroom. it took me 2hours but it was worth it. some how after that i was still angry with my dad so i played piano for the next hour and when he was finally home just ignored him, even this morning i ignored him. good i hope he and mom change their minds about that school thing.

and here is a pic of my food  ˇ

The magic of a new life

hellllou...

I`m going to dedicate my first post to my friend whose blog i really like, so thank you Kami for your amazing blog :D
http://niireve.blogspot.com/

Awwwwww

Until then, with all my love, Yours sincerely: InsincereBlack